The following article appeared in the Facebook Community Page, The LILT Sisterhood – Being Your Own Woman, Not The Other… on Dec 24, 2011.

You Always Have A Choice

I’m quite sure that most of us here are dreading the holiday season that’s just round the corner – just like all those times of festivities and celebrations – because these periods are when you feel extremely alone despite the celebratory mood all around you, or may because of.

Yes, as usual whether it’s X’mas, or New Year or Valentine’s or his birthday or sometimes even your birthday, you will feel the pain of loneliness deeper & sharper within you because this is when you want him to be with you (as expected when you are in a relationship) but most of the time, if not all, it’s impossible.

Instead of wallowing in depression and feeling sorry for ourselves, I say let us be gracious and appreciate all the good stuff and people we are blessed with – our loving family and good friends who are there when we need them most; our beautiful, comfortable home; our great health, that new pair of sexy stilettos, that awesome new book we just read, that delicious dinner we’ll be sharing with our loved ones tonight… and it’ll also help to remember that there are many others who have much less than we do and yet able to live life with joy.

Being aware and appreciating what we do have, should we then waste our precious moments thinking about the one who most probably will be too busy with his family to even have the time or the inclination to think about us? Ok, let us be fair, if he is emotionally bonded to you, he might have fleeting thoughts of you, wondering what you are up to and if you are ok and if you are among the more fortunate, maybe even missing you a little but so what? That’s about all that he can do; no, let me rephrase that: that’s about all that he CHOOSES to do.

The reality is, he has his life and you have yours and most often then not, your lives don’t overlap because he chooses it this way and so did you when you decided to get involved with him.

So my dears, put on your best dress (and that sexy stilettos of course), straighten yourselves, look at your beautiful self in the mirror and go out there. He’s doing fine without you; as should you without him.

Start living your life cos it’s the ONLY one you’ve got!

Have a wonderful X’mas and a blessed 2012 full of love, laughter & grace!

With Metta…. 🙂


This article appeared in the Facebook Community Page, The LILT Sisterhood – Being Your Own Woman, Not The Other… on Dec 20, 2011.

There is a related sharing platform on a Facebook Closed Group of the same name for ladies who would like to have the opportunity to meet others in similar situation, who are looking for support and clarity that will enable them to rise above this less-than-desirable circumstances that they find themselves in.

Food for Thought

Do you wanna remain an option and never a priority?

Because that’s what the Other Woman ALWAYS is… We are an option that he goes to when he needs a little TLC; we are an option that he “slots in” whenever he has time to spare, after EVERYTHING else… and everything else practically takes up all of his time… and because of who we are in his life – the side dish – we are expected to understand because

(1) it is inherent in the nature of the “relationship” (note the inverted commas; you don’t really believe it is an actual relationship, do you?)

(2) if you don’t understand, who will? ’cause one of the reasons he would have given was the fact the his other, legal, half doesn’t understand him and it’s oh-so-stressful not to be understood…

(3) if you don’t, there is always that risk of him looking for someone else who does… of course, he doesn’t tell you this but deep down inside, that’s what you fear.

So all of the above basically make us powerless to fight for what we deserve in a relationship – to be a priority; not THE priority but at least ONE of the priorities…

So we forfeit our right to be valued; we gave our power away, to him… We schedule our life around him; he who has everything going for him just as it suits him because guess what? We ALLOW it…

But really, do we really need this “relationship”? Are we not good enough for something better; someone better?

And deep down in your heart, you KNOW you do… Think about it…